Making Big Decisions: What Would Your Higher Self Do?

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“Sometimes the bad things that happen in our lives put us on the path to the best things that will ever happen to us.” ~Paul Millsap

The personal growth journey is easy when everything is going to plan. But when you’re presented with a difficult situation, that’s when the real test begins.

In 2018, I embarked on a nomadic journey to do some soul-searching. I faced my fair share of challenges during this trip, but for the most part, life was good.

I led a good life and coached people to do the same. But then I was given a …

(image)

“Sometimes the bad things that happen in our lives put us on the path to the best things that will ever happen to us.” ~Paul Millsap

The personal growth journey is easy when everything is going to plan. But when you’re presented with a difficult situation, that’s when the real test begins.

In 2018, I embarked on a nomadic journey to do some soul-searching. I faced my fair share of challenges during this trip, but for the most part, life was good.

I led a good life and coached people to do the same. But then I was given a reality check.

Suddenly, I was back in Australia living with my mum. I had no money, no car, no job, and it felt like my life had come crashing down.

This is where the true test began, as I was forced to confront a fear I had dedicated my life to avoiding: the fear of regressing.

Revisiting Home: Unresolved Tensions and Turmoil

After five years on the road, it was great seeing my family and old friends again. But once the initial romanticism of being back home wore off, that joy was short-lived.

That’s when I began reverting into old patterns.

I picked up a job working in a restaurant and felt more out of place than ever. My self-worth took a heavy beating, and all these dense feelings from my childhood began to resurface.

But the icing on the cake was my relationship with my mother. We had some pretty deep issues that were never resolved. Those issues never had to be addressed, but now we could no longer avoid them.

Returning into this situation as a grown man was not ideal for either of us. There was an endless loop of turmoil that neither of us wanted, but neither of us could break.

I felt like I was constantly under attack and that she treated me like a child who had to live under a strict set of rules; otherwise, all hell would break loose.

She felt like her space was being intruded. In her eyes, I didn’t respect how she wanted to live and took advantage of her hospitality.

And around in circles we went, unable to see eye-to-eye, getting triggered by one another over stupid things.

No matter how much wisdom I had gained, nor how much healing I had done, this seemed like an uphill battle that I couldn’t overcome.

Separating Egoic Decisions from Higher Perspectives

After a particularly painful argument, I had a moment of clarity.

I saw myself quitting my job, packing my bags, and catching the next flight out of the country. I saw my mother resenting herself for pushing me away.

For a moment, my ego rejoiced.

“I sure showed her! Now she will finally see the errors of her way and the consequences they have! And I’ll be free, just the way I like.”

But then there was regret.

A higher part of me kicked in.

“This isn’t a solution. You’re just escaping again and hurting everyone in the process, including yourself. Nothing has been healed. This is your chance to repair this relationship. Don’t take the coward’s way out.”

It’s easy to run away. Believe me, I’ve crafted an entire life around it.

But the higher self weeps when the ego succeeds, and I recognized that this was an ego-driven decision: to escape a painful situation rather than heal the root cause.

As if I was catapulted out of my ego, suddenly I felt compassion rather than pain. A part of me that genuinely wanted to heal this wound for both of us shined through.

Because I was now in my heart space, the en